Who am I?

What is this: A brief story of my life and my thoughts about the concept of life.

Why am I writing this: For giving a personal perspective on how to overcome hardships in one’s life and how to deal with obstacles.

P.S: When I ask myself about who I am, I can’t find one answer that fulfills everything, and I think nobody can. So, I will give some highlights from my life and analyze them with you.

The environment that I grew in:

While my mom was pregnant with me, my father (who is an emotional man and trusted almost everybody in the past) was about to lose everything because he trusted the wrong people, and he got in huge debt.

When I was two or three years old, he sold everything and paid the debt. Also, he went to jail for a short time because he did something illegal with his job which was a government job. But it was a small crime, so they released him in a week. Even though he was released, this incident was on his record, and nobody gave him a job for three years. Thus, we didn’t have any money (literally we were in negative numbers). Also, we didn’t have a house anymore. And we went to stay with my aunt. She had this house with three rooms, so it would only be good for their family. Thus, we built a one-point-five room (literally thirty square meters or something) house on top of my aunt’s house. We had many cockroaches and rats in that house, probably only they should have lived in a house like that.

Because of this environment, my mother (who is not a supportive person) had to work and worked (surprisingly). Then my father started working again after those three years.

I have a sister (who is four years older than me) also. And she had many hard problems and a hard life in this environment (we lived there until I was ten years old). So, my parents spent lots of time on her (almost the whole time that they didn’t work) and I was the lonely kid who played with his one or two soldier toy(s), and I spent most of my time on things that would develop my brain, like Math especially.

After these years, we went to a rental house (a home that doesn’t have rats and cockroaches) but it was not good either. And we stayed there until I was 19.

A moment that I realized life has real hardships, everybody has their own problems and people can seem like they are happy even though they still have demons in the mind:

When I was 15, one of my family members tried to kill themselves. I came home from school and saw that they cut their wrists; I immediately did the necessary checking while I was calling an ambulance. I was all alone in that mess. I found out that they also swallowed some pills, and they cut their wrists with a Gillette. I grabbed them and took them outside the house and found some neighbor to help us before the ambulance came. Luckily, they were in the hospital on time, and they were saved.

My perspective until becoming an adult:

I didn’t ever want to offer myself (the real me) to anybody. Maybe because I didn’t feel like people would understand me… Thus, I had always concealed my honest opinions and ideas.

I was always the golden boy; people expected a lot from me. I was a secret nerd though. I studied so hard on everything (except for school I guess, I did there well because I was constantly learning things by myself), even for the stuff that does not matter to me; like piano and playing football. I wanted to be the best at everything I try, and I wanted to be popular. And I did this my whole life (until adulthood); I got jacked, f***ked girls, won dentistry with full scholarship (government paid for my school because I had very good grades.), etc.

But nothing ever felt like I belonged. I was always acting. That was not who I am at all. When I think about it, I guess it was all about wanting to be loved and getting attention; because I couldn’t get the love and attention that I needed as a child.

A side story on love:

The only time I felt anything (until my 20s) was with a girl. Even though I loved her deeply (or I only thought that way), we couldn’t make it work because I didn’t know how to love and how to be loved. I will not give details about this or how my love life was back then or how my love life is right now. But you will see some poems and writings from me in the blog, about love.

How I think now:

• 1- Now that I know all people have and/or had hardships, I don’t find a meaning in using my past life as an excuse for what I do. So, I take full responsibility for what happened and happens to me.
• 2- People who are close to me have dreams about me. They want me to show everyone what a golden boy I am. But the thing is I had too much pressure on fixing things, and I fixed everything in everyone’s life except mine in the past. Although, I now understand that I should let my own dreams and visions take place in my mind and life, not others’ dreams. (Inspired by Alex Hormozi’s ideology)
• 3- Now I have a clear vision about myself: I want to become stronger physically and mentally. I want to be a more masculine man (it is not toxic; if you are a man, it should always be your number one desire). I want to become rich. I want to have a loyal woman with a feminine character. I want to develop myself constantly. (I suggest you check Andrew Tate’s opinions on these subjects.)

Final points:

• 1- Struggle will always be the essence of life and if we do not accept it as a fact, it will hurt us more. So, it is better to accept all the struggle, hurt and hardships and just go and work hard for that vision we created. In the end, it may not give the results we wanted but at least we will thrive in happiness on our deathbed because we will know that we tried.
• 2- There are obstacles to everything we do, even our first step as a baby was a big obstacle “until we overcame it”. When faced with obstacles, remember; everything that is good must have an obstacle for you to overcome before you claim the benefits.
• 3- End of one thing, is the start of another thing. So, I hope that the end of this long piece of writing will be the start of your motivation to get better than you already are. I chose this path, and it is hard. I hope that you also choose this path, and we will overcome hardships as a union.

WRITER TIGER